Preciousness in the passing

There is a part of me that can't handle loss. Struggles with change. This part of me feels sad with the temporary nature of things. All living beings pass away. Vacations end. Babies, toddlers, children grow up and leave us. Our bodies age, losing muscle tone, elasticity and vitality. Precious moments pass.

When I am not careful I can dwell on this. Feel helpless and hopeless. What is the point? How can I be happy and at peace knowing my blessings will not last? That I have to bid them farewell and experience a million endings in this life time. Everything good that I love. Every beautiful moment.

The therapist and buddhist in me knows that this is normal for humans. To struggle with clinging to what we want (desire) and pushing away that which we do not want (aversion). And knowing that I am not alone is relieving. 

Up to this point I have had far more good experiences than negative ones in my life. And that is something to celebrate. And as I reflect more deeply I recognize that in addition to the endings, life is bringing us a constant stream of new beginnings. Birth is happening every day -- new flowers are blooming, babies are entering the open arms of their parents. Our children are learning new things and finding new ways to show their independence and their unique strengths.

There are new hugs, new games of hide and seek, new recipes being cooked, new vacations being planned. Plants are growing, flowering, releasing seed to spread new life. Lonely people are finding new friends and  partners, new conflicts are arising and people are learning and struggling along the way.

Every moment brings something new. And that is not sad to me. That is special. Even exciting. If I can find a way to recognize the beauty and birth that accompanies the change and loss I feel more full and more fulfilled. I can also recognize that the temporary nature of things is needed; it is necessary. Part of our human experience is to experience great pain and sorrow and fear. To have negative experiences. Trauma. We must have moment through this. Change allows us to find relief, heal and grieve. It is a blessing.

The nature of life is movement, growth and passing away. Without clinging we must appreciate and savor the experiences in which we find joy and allow it and all else to come and go. Changing. Always.

You are precious my friends. 

Writing through life

 Today it finally happened. I realized how much I miss (and need) to do spiritual writing. I was doing a guided meditation in my backyard in the shade of a fruit tree. Much has changed and grown over the past decade. I have found my life partner and married. We have been blessed with 2 beautiful children. Motherhood has been the most profound, meaningful and challenging experience of my life. I was not prepared for how much it would change my life.

Becoming a mother has given my life new focus. Having babies, toddlers and now young children has been all consuming, however. One has far less personal time. I have had to make choices about how to spend my time. One lesson I have learned is that my spiritual and writing practice is not something I can keep on the back burner. It sustains me, picks me up when I have fallen. It helps me process emotions, gain wisdom, make sense of things. It is like putting on glasses to sharpen blurry vision. It is like wrapping a warm blanket around my heart. It helps me feel and tolerate my feelings. To not bury and bottle up what hurts.

It also helps me to recognize the good in life. The beauty of the this ever changing, colorful, rollercoaster of human experience. When I sit in meditation or reflect in writing, I can feel grateful. I feel more connected to my life. And I can feel an empathy for myself and others that my often anxious, auto pilot state blocks.

This is important because I believe in the power of love and compassion. These are the components of a full life and the keys to unlocking the barriers between humans. The ingredients necessary to heal pain and to slow the degradation of the planet

We must to care, we must feel and we must reflect in order to feel whole. This will help us to help others. This will help us feel safe and connected. 

Writing is the tool that helps me to do this. The bridge that helps me to cross from ego to true self. From mindless to mindful. So I will write. I will write. I will write again.__

Got Shraddha?

Got Shraddha?
Shraddha is a Sanskrit word which Wikipedia defines as faith with love and reverence.
We often think we know what is best for us and become attached to a desired outcome or goal.
Our minds become rigid and fixated on what we “want". For example, "I need this opportunity or this home or this partner to work out."
This can lead to anxiety and attempts to control. It can also lead to great disappointment when things do not go our way.
Even when we are fortunate and our goals manifest, things in life are never how we imagined. Life is one great mystery.
Faith, or shradda can help us to embrace the journey, to loosen our grip and to simply, enjoy.
Nine years ago a personal tragedy led to questioning my faith in a higher power. Shraddha simply was not accessible to me for some time. I had to work hard to re-connect with my faith in a higher power. It started with a willingness to Trust again,
And a willingness to be okay with uncertainty.
We never know what our future will bring…..and our happiness is not dependent on desired outcomes.
One thing that has helped me to regain faith is to realize that the purpose of life is to experience a wide array of emotions (pleasurable and not) and outcomes (desireable and not) and to gain wisdom, gratitude and help others the best I can along my journey.


note: this entry was started in 2012, saved in draft for 11 years and completed today, 6/13/21 when I returned to my Spiritual Someday blog.