If we didn't know suffering

Have you ever wondered why God allows us to experience such painful emotions?

Have you ever tried to run away from your negative emotion by distracting yourself with work, movies, or socializing?

If you answered yes, you are being honest.

If you answered no, reflect a little more....

Do you ever find yourself avoiding the knowledge of others' suffering?

Sometimes I find myself changing the channel when the nightly news comes on and choosing not to buy the newspaper, thinking:

"No thanks, I do not want to hear about tough and terrible things going on."

Sometimes we need a break, we need to keep it light, but

There is a fine line between not dwelling on emotional pain (or ours and others) and avoiding it altogether.

As humans we are meant to experience the full spectrum of emotion-- from happy, joyful, excited.....to downright sad and distraught. This is what makes life rich-- the diversity, the change, the ride of a life fully lived. 

And although parts of our journey on earth are painful, all parts are beautiful and worthwhile.

Because if we didn't know the feeling of suffering, we would not have empathy.

We would not coping mechanisms and wisdom to share with others when they are struggling.

And we have a responsibility (I include myself in this!) to be aware of world events-- both the good and the terrible because with knowledge and understanding comes the ability 

To reach out,

To help.

To heal.

Honoring our good intentions

Sometimes in life, despite our intentions and effort, things do not go well.

Perhaps a friend or loved one misinterprets your action.

Or you were trying to help,

but you made a mistake...

Or you crossed the line

And another person became offended.

Or perhaps your your company is asking you do perform a job duty that is not in alignment with your beliefs.

It can be very stressful when we are misunderstood, others are angry with us, or we are in the middle of an ethical dilemna. It can also be difficult to make peace with ourselves. Sometimes we become self-critical in these moments. Or we take a heavy burden home with us.

This occurred yesterday for me and several co-workers who are trying to help a family reunify, after being asked to do so by Child Welfare:

A history of child abuse, reasonable suspicion that a grandfather molested his 7 year old grandchild, a young mother who appears lackadaisical and non-compliant with safety precautions.

We are trying to help, as asked by our job, but what will happen to these children? The court is saying "send them home"; the protective agency (Child Welfare) is informed of these concerns, and here we are in the middle of a big

Ethical dilemna

You can see how it would be hard to be at peace with myself and my work on a day like yesterday. I carried a lot negative energy inside yesterday. I felt helpless. I questioned myself. 

I had to ask for help from a power greater than myself: God.

And a message came:

Honor your good intentions

Keep doing your best

Love yourself

That is what you can do.

The real believer doubts

Today I learned that anyone who has solid faith has doubted God at least once.

I believe that it is through the acknowledgement of doubt that a true relationship with God begins.

Let's face it-- no relationships are "perfect" and the best things in life do not come easy....

Today I went to a place I have been before-- fear and with it, a doubt that my Higher Power could and would see me through.

I grew up going to church and accepted that there is an all-good God.

But then I had a faith-shaking experience. Actually it was close to a faith-breaking experience--

My Mom got brain cancer.

We prayed.

Believed.

Trusted.

And she died anyway.

It took some time, several years, to get to a point where I re-found my mother again. Now I have a relationship with her that is non-physical and very beautiful.

And it took about the same amount of time for me to accept that God still existed, was still good, was still powerful despite His/Her not answering every prayer, particularly the most important one I had ever asked.

Today I had a quite an experience. I found myself plagued by one of my few irrational fears-- driving in a rain storm. Wham!

I tried the "God is protecting you. Do not worry."

But it didn't work. I didn't trust. My body remembered my first car accident (in freezing rain) and tensed.

I had two appointments scheduled in south county. So I got in the car. It began to rain. Then harder. My strong desire was to drive home to safety and to allow my fear to win.

And you know what happened?

God helped out.

Stepped in.

Showed me.

My appointments both cancelled (rare) and I drove home in a gentle rain.

...... the trust flooded back.

Do not be afraid to admit your spiritual skepticism-- to look at it, talk about it.

Even the real believer doubts.

How we are like music

Last night I had the privilege of singing with a talented trio of musicians-- a vocalist/acoustic guitar player, tabla artist (Indian percussion instrument; a pair of hand drums of contrasting sizes and timbres), and an electric guitar player).

I also had the privilege of sitting and listening to a unique and powerful jam session. 

And I realized this:

Our spirit (true self) is like music-- 

Timeless, formless

Pure energy in the form of vibration

Isn't this wonderful?

How beautiful of a song you are!

Express your beauty as music as you dance through life.

Out with the old, helps bring in the new

We are once again at the start of a new year, a time when tend to be more mindful of our goals. 

Change is difficult. Starting a new routine, such a going to the gym, is not as simple as saying "My resolution is to..."

Take a minute to reflect on why change is hard. 

Then ask yourself, 

"Is there an unhealthy habit or tendency that may be getting in the way of my new goal?"

Our egos spend a lot of time on things that we do not need. 

For example, a friend wanted to start her day with prayer and meditation but found herself watching TV or jumping on the computer each morning instead. She felt guilty and frustrated until she realized that she was listening to the wrong the voice in the morning.

Thinking/Doing

Her mind/ego said, "Respond to client e-mails right away. Your job, your income are priority."

Or "Check and see who won the award show last night. It will just take a minute." 

However, both of these activities shift us into the superficial, non-spiritual mode. 

Being

When my friend realized that her simple e-mail and TV check in the morning was taking an unfair amount of energy away from what she really need to fuel her soul, she made a change. Before doing anything in the morning she now waits to connect with the quieter, calmer, deeper voice that says something like this,

"You are complete; you are loved. You have all that you need. Connect with your inner light. The world will wait."

When we get rid of things that no longer serve us well (thoughts, unhealthy habits, old clothes) we create space for the new.

So that familiar habit you don't need....

It may need to go

For you to grow.

Creative? You bet you are

When I was in 9th grade I quit choir. The crazy part is I didn't quit because singing was no longer cool or because my crush signed up for guitar class. I quit it because I loved it.

And I thought I failed; wasn't a good enough singer.
And would fail again.

I truly loved singing in choir in middle school. But when I tried out for Womens' Concert Choir, I was not selected.

And I never tried out again.

Today I laugh recalling the pretentious title of this "select group" and the prim and proper choir director, Ms. "T", who probably thought that I was one of the rebellious kids due to how I dressed. Perhaps she already had her girls picked out before the audition. Or perhaps I didn't make it because 20 other young voices sounded better.

It really doesn't matter. What matters is that I love singing. And that many years later, I re-found joy in singing (and musicians to sing with) after letting go of the need to "good".

And one important lesson I learned is that we must love ourselves enough to stop the value judgements and keep doing what we love, regardless of what our best or worst critics say.

The other lesson here is that when I lost my attachment to sounding "good", my voice became beautiful. In a unique way. And I found kirtan music (devotional singing) which has a much higher purpose. It is about honoring the Divine-- within and outside of ourselves.

Value judgements and perfectionism stifle creativity. Be who you are. Be proud.

Worried again? You have a choice

The birds are laughing at me and how seriously I often take life…..

Ah, anxiety! To feel this emotion is to be human, isn’t it?
Birds and other animals certainly do not tense up and worry the way we do.

All emotions (sadness, anger, jealousy, stress) are part of the human experience. And it is healthy to honor and feel our emotions. The theory is that once an emotion is “felt” and acknowledged, that it will dissipate. At least that is the theory that I go by as a therapist.

Here is the kicker, though. We often hold onto worry/stress/anxiety MUCH longer than we need to. This manifests repetitive, worried thoughts and a tendency to overplan and control our lives in effort to “protect” ourselves from the negative outcomes we worry about.
This can also lead to constant tension and difficulty being “present” for life. Right?

I want to make two things clear:

1) anxiety/worry can be our friend. It can be a “call to action”. For example if your health insurance has expired and you find yourself having trouble falling asleep at night because you keep worrying "what will happen if I get swine flu?", this worry could be helpful. You are more likely to solve a problem if it worries you (i.e. re-new your health insurance policy)

2) We do have a choice about how much we worry.
If no action can be taken with regard to a worry, why continue to let it swirl around, disrupting the present moment?

Here are some tools that may be helpful:

--There is a technique called “thought stopping”. Every time the worried though creeps up, picture a stop sign. STOP.
“Why am I paying attention to my worry now—is it time to take action?” If there is no action to take, let the worry go.

--If that doesn’t work, imagine the worry as a monster or ugly creature that keeps appearing before you, uninvited. Stand up to the monster and say, “Dude- go away. I don’t need you right now. I am trying to enjoy the present right now.”

These tools may or may not work for you. And there are other ways to calm worry such as exercise, laughing, listening to music, meditation.

Want to worry less?
You can.
It is your choice.

For a reason

You have probably heard the phrase "things happen for a reason". I can both agree and disagree with this statement. 

See it depends...

With regard to atrocitries such a genocide and innocent people who suffer from severe illnesses I would never endorse the "for a reason" philosophy.

However, I do agree with the Buddhists that human life is marked by suffering. And as an optimistic I like to remind others that life is bittersweet; and along with the pain you will experience great joy. Or at least great wonder. What a world God has blessed us with! And we humans have much greater power to move, to grow, to evolve than any other species. (Now we do not always harness that power for good, but that is another topic.)

Let me ask you a question,

When something unfavorable occurs or a relationship ends do you ask yourself,

"What can I gain or learn from this loss (or mistake or miscommunication, etc.)?"

I believe that important lessons come disguised as problems and are often wrapped in pain.

What do you believe?