I believe that it is through the acknowledgement of doubt that a true relationship with God begins.
Let's face it-- no relationships are "perfect" and the best things in life do not come easy....
Today I went to a place I have been before-- fear and with it, a doubt that my Higher Power could and would see me through.
I grew up going to church and accepted that there is an all-good God.
But then I had a faith-shaking experience. Actually it was close to a faith-breaking experience--
My Mom got brain cancer.
We prayed.
Believed.
Trusted.
And she died anyway.
It took some time, several years, to get to a point where I re-found my mother again. Now I have a relationship with her that is non-physical and very beautiful.
And it took about the same amount of time for me to accept that God still existed, was still good, was still powerful despite His/Her not answering every prayer, particularly the most important one I had ever asked.
Today I had a quite an experience. I found myself plagued by one of my few irrational fears-- driving in a rain storm. Wham!
I tried the "God is protecting you. Do not worry."
But it didn't work. I didn't trust. My body remembered my first car accident (in freezing rain) and tensed.
I had two appointments scheduled in south county. So I got in the car. It began to rain. Then harder. My strong desire was to drive home to safety and to allow my fear to win.
And you know what happened?
God helped out.
Stepped in.
Showed me.
My appointments both cancelled (rare) and I drove home in a gentle rain.
...... the trust flooded back.
Do not be afraid to admit your spiritual skepticism-- to look at it, talk about it.
Even the real believer doubts.
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